There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
