at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
