Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
