I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
