I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
