i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
