Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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