you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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