if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
