I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
