do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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