So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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