The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
