Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
