Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Michael Bay diarrhea
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
