i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I stole a fireplace last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
