i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
