Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
