something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
