New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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