Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
