my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
