ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will be naked everywhere
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
