I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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