Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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