This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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