Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
