I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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