my shit smells like andre
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize