period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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