im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
