I puked a lego.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
