some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
