so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
