My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
