Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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