I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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