Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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