My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
