just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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