i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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