Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
