Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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