I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
