Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
