Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A bitchslap is in order.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
