so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
