I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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