You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
