She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
