I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
