I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
