yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
