don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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