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I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
