this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He did a backflip because drugs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
