I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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