They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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