Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
