Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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