OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
