They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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