I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
