I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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