if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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