i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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