even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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