I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
