Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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