Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry about my life...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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