You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
