I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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