Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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