The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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