I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
